awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
