I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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