Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
