Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
