I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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