Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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