it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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