I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize