Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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