Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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