Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
