You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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