just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He felt like a one man threesome
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
