wrigley field is MILF paradise
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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