He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
