im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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