watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
