i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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