Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
