how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
