I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
