I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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