Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
