the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
