Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
A+ Viking dick
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
