I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
