Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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