After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
