dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
