Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
