alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
false alarm. still invincible.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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