Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
