the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
