How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
