OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
