apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
