Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
