I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
