Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
