You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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