we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
