i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
