You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
