Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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