My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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