Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize