that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
