i just had sex bonerless
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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