He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
