It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
