I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
