I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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