I want to make a zoo with you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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