I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
