I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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