the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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