i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
