i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
