I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
