Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
