Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
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I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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