I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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