I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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