Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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